Let’s Talk About Sex

I could have easily skipped over this topic because it’s one that isn’t talked about too much in Christian circles, but I think that’s where we’ve failed. The sex industry is one of the biggest in the world and for some reason, Christians feel that it’s better that we just act like it doesn’t exist - at least until we get married.

The truth of the matter is that 50% of people have a sexual interaction before they even graduate high school and we still choose to keep the topic of sex a secret until our children are more “mature”. 

What a lot of parents don’t realize is that just because they’re not telling their kids about it, doesn’t mean they aren’t learning it from someone else.

Eighty percent of adolescents say that they find out about sex either through their friends or on the internet.

Because it’s plastered all over t.v. shows, movies, music, magazines, and even commercials most kids know about sex by the age of 12.

So my question is, are we going to continue to be silent about this topic? Are we going to let one of the most impactful life decisions be taught by the world or are we going to teach our children the importance of waiting to have sex until marriage?

My husband and I have talked about this to a pretty great extent. 

When we got married, I was not a virgin and he was, so we came from both ends of the spectrum, but we both agree on one thing...we wish the church would have been more open about the whole topic.

For some reason, we’ve gotten to the point where we think that talking about sex is bad. We think that somehow it’s dishonoring to God when we discuss this topic with others when really sex was all God’s idea.

He came up with it.

In fact, it’s the very first thing he tells Adam and Eve to do in the garden.

“Be fruitful and multiply.” Genesis 1:28

Whenever God makes something good, the enemy takes it and tries to twist it into something perverted. This is why I think a lot of Christians don’t want to talk about it. We think that just because the world’s view on it is something completely opposite than what it’s intended to be that it’s bad.

But sex was initially created to be something good.

Something beautiful.

We’ve let the world tell us that we don’t need marriage. We don’t need commitment.

But what we don’t realize is that when we say these things to ourselves, we’re just becoming a slave to sex and all the baggage that it brings when it’s not done in the context it was created to be.

There’s a story in the Bible about a king who went outside on his balcony one day and noticed a woman who was bathing outside. 

The king was a slave to his desires and couldn’t resist engaging in sexual relations with her.

The woman was married and her husband was at war, but while her husband was away she realized that she had become pregnant with the king’s child.

The king didn’t want to face what he had done so he had the husband murdered.

All of this is to say that being a slave to sex will automatically bring along other sins.

I know that when I was having sex outside of marriage, I lied a lot about where I was or who I was with. 

When we’re a slave to sex, we’re a slave to so many other things. 

God knows how he made us, so he knows that we are sexual beings. He knows that we have desires and dare I say He gave us those desires.

However, it’s when those desires are acted on outside of the marriage covenant that we experience more pain and heartache than we could imagine.

Mark 10:6-9 says, 

“But ‘God made them male and female from the beginning of creation. This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one. Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.”

The word “joined” here is very important. So important that it has a three-fold meaning. When the author of Mark penned this word he meant that the man and woman are joined not only physically, but also emotionally and spiritually.

This means that every time you have sex with someone, you’re not just doing a physical act. You’re giving parts of yourself to that person. 

Every time you join with someone, you’re experiencing an emotional withdrawal and a spiritual connection.

That’s why if you were never self-conscious before, but you have sex with a person who is self-conscience you begin to have self-conscious thoughts yourself.

The baggage that the other person is carrying automatically will get brought on you.

It’s also why, even if you just have a one-night stand with someone, they will randomly come up in your thoughts. 

You’re connected to them in ways you’re not connected to people who are just friends or family.

If you study history back about 400 years ago or so, you’ll find that a man and woman weren’t considered to be married after they had a wedding ceremony with 300 guests. They were married once they joined together in sexual relations with one another.

So the question then becomes, how many people are you married to?

Each time we engage in sexual activity with someone, we’re saying that we want the marriage without the commitment. 

So why do we tell people not to have sex until marriage?

Why is the church so adamant about making sure that’s the one thing we know?

I think their hearts are in the right place, but for the most part, they’ve failed at really explaining the importance of waiting.

They’ve said over and over that we shouldn’t do it, but I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone say why.

The Bible gives us instructions for living in all areas, including sex.

If we refer back to Mark 10:6--8 we see that it says, 

 “But ‘God made them male and female from the beginning of creation. This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.”

As we read the Word, we see that God’s instructions are clear. 

Sex is to be between a husband and wife.

Sex was created to be in the context of marriage.

If it’s not done inside the context of marriage, it’s harmful to you and the people around you.

As mentioned before, sex outside of marriage brings along a whole lot of other things. You automatically become a liar, selfish, and a manipulator. 

Not only are you doing all of these things to yourself, but harming the relationships you have with other people.

For example, let’s take a look at fire.

Fire is a good thing when it’s used for its intended purpose.

When it’s used for cooking or keeping something warm, it’s an amazing thing that God created it to be.

But when a fire gets out of hand, all of a sudden it’s harmful to you and the people around you.

Sex is the same.

When it’s done in the context of its original design, it’s wonderful and beautiful.

It’s beneficial to you and your spouse.

But when it’s done outside of the context of marriage, it’s damaging to you and the people around you.

The guidelines that God gives us for sex aren’t meant to keep us from having fun. They’re meant to protect us from causing emotional and spiritual damage to ourselves.

Coming from personal experience, I can tell you that at the moment sex feels right, but after the emotions wore off, I would always feel like a part of me was just given to someone that I didn’t see a future with.

And that’s a scary thing.

A part of me will always be with that person and I won’t be able to get that back. A part of me was given to someone who is not my husband. A part of me will always have that person in the back of my mind.

Thankfully, the grace of God is so great. He loves me so much and has forgiven me for the mistakes I’ve made. But for a while, I lived with shame and guilt because of everything I had done. 

God wants us to experience sex to its fullest potential - in the context of marriage. 

He wants us to have amazing moments of intimacy with our spouse - he’s created us that way.

If you’re reading this and you’re a parent, I hope this makes you think about the importance of discussing this topic with your children. We have to be the ones that teach our kids about this. They get so much information from the world that doesn’t follow the standard by which we’re called to live.

If you’re reading this and you’ve had sex outside of marriage, I want you to know that you are loved. I know what it’s like to live with thoughts of not being good enough or not feeling qualified to be loved by God - but you are!

If anything, I hope this blog has compelled you to think about your sex life. I hope it’s compelled you to think about what you want your future to look like and what sex is doing to not only you but the people around you. I hope it’s made you realize that you do not have to be a slave to sex, but you can live in freedom.

If you’re reading this and you’re a virgin, I pray that this encourages you to keep going. Keep pressing forward and stay on the path you’re on. Waiting is not a burden, but a blessing in disguise. 

“You say, “I am allowed to do anything”—but not everything is good for you. And even though “I am allowed to do anything,” I must not become a slave to anything. You say, “Food was made for the stomach, and the stomach for food.” (This is true, though someday God will do away with both of them.) But you can’t say that our bodies were made for sexual immorality. They were made for the Lord, and the Lord cares about our bodies. And God will raise us from the dead by his power, just as he raised our Lord from the dead.

 Don’t you realize that your bodies are actually parts of Christ? Should a man take his body, which is part of Christ, and join it to a prostitute? Never! And don’t you realize that if a man joins himself to a prostitute, he becomes one body with her? For the Scriptures say, “The two are united into one.” But the person who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with him.

Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.”   1 Corinthians 6:12-20