Dating Q & A Part 2

Hey friends!

Welcome back to the Dating Q&A - part deux!

Last week we took a look at how to wait well in singleness, how to know when you’ve found a keeper, how to know when to give up on the relationship and physical boundaries.

If you still need to catch up on this series, no worries!

Just take your time and read along at your pace.

For those of you who are hanging with me, I’m excited to dig into the last few questions we have here today.

We’ll be covering a few different topics, so let’s get started!

Q: How do you recommend handling conflict?

A: Arguments, disagreements, conflict...all of it is not fun. But it’s especially not fun when you’re in the middle of a conflict with someone you love. Let me start off by saying that conflict in a relationship is completely normal. If you don’t have conflict at some point then you’re just not human. However, if you have conflict on the daily, then I would say it’s probably smart to seek out professional help from a counselor. 

But for the sake of this blog, let’s just look at random small arguments. 

All arguments stem from something that you or the other person is feeling, so it’s important to make sure you’re aware of some of the core emotions we experience as human beings.

I could really get in depth here, but maybe I’ll save that for a future blog. For now, let’s just look at the basics.

Some of our core emotions are: anger, shame, guilt, fear and happiness.

When we feel angry it means that we are irritated or frustrated by something.

When we feel fear it means that we are overwhelmed or apprehensive about something.

When we feel shame it means that we are embarrassed or exposed by something.

You get the point.

What I’m trying to get at is that the anger you’re feeling towards your significant other is more than likely because you’re irritated or frustrated by something else and it’s important to identify what that is before you get into a heated argument.

Remember, your goal in the relationship should always be to serve and love the other person in the best way possible. 

I know it’s hard to keep that thought at the forefront of your mind when you’re in the middle of an argument, but you should always want to try to come to a solution in the most loving and servant hearted way possible.

It’s also important to try and talk about the issue you’re facing as soon as possible. The longer you let it stew in your mind, the more blown out of proportion it can become.

My husband and I have learned that through the few years that we’ve been together. It’s never easy to bring up a topic you’re upset about days later. 

Deal with it right away and come to a solution.

My husband also doesn’t naturally like to talk about issues. Most guys are like this. They just push it under the rug and get over it, but we’ve learned it’s important for us to discuss the things that we’re upset about as soon as we realize it’s a problem. That way it won’t become a bigger issue in the future.

Again, conflict is not bad. It’s how we handle conflict that shows true maturity.

“Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry.” Ephesians 4:26

Q: What should I do if my significant other doesn’t get along with my family?

A: This is a toughy. I think it really just depends on whether or not you value your family’s opinion.

If you have a family who truly wants the best for you and wants to see you thrive in relationship, then they may have some opinions on whether or not you’re dating a good person.

In a previous relationship, my family didn’t straight up tell me that the person I was dating was bad for me, but they did not approve and I could tell.

You know how you can read your family’s cues.

At that time in my life, I didn’t really care about what my family thought. I was so caught up in this guy that I could care less about anything else. I just wanted to be with him and do whatever he wanted to do.

Looking back, I realize that they were right and that person was not a good influence on me and was not helping me become who God created me to be.

It’s hard if  you really like the person you’re with, but ultimately I would have to say if they don’t get along with your family then that’s a huge red flag.

Normally your family knows you best and will be able to tell if you’re truly happy.

If they see that you’re not happy when you’re with this person, it’s wise to listen to them. No matter how much it hurts to let them go. 

If you don’t get along with your family, then that’s a whole different story.

If that’s the case, then I would just try to make sure things are civil between all of you.

As Christians, we’re called to love one another. Remember, Jesus showed love for us while we were sinners, so it’s important for us to show love to people even if we don’t “get along.”

Q: How do you deal with temptation in a relationship?

A: I’m assuming this means sexual temptations, so I’m just going to go that route.

I’ve mentioned multiple times that I’ve dealt with these types of issues in my past so I totally understand how difficult it can be. 

Here is a little acronym that has helped me in the past and continues to help me when I’m dealing with any sort of temptation:

A - Avoid situations

N - Say No

T - Turn toward Christ

H - Hold on to God’s Promise

E - Enjoy satisfaction in Christ

M - Move into a useful activity

It’s important for us to try the best we can to avoid situations where we could be tempted.

For some of you, that may mean not being alone with your significant other for long periods of time. For others it may mean keeping your physical touch to a limit. Know what  your temptation is and try to avoid being put in situations where it's easily accessible. 

The hardest part is saying “no” whenever that situation arises. Especially in the heat of the moment. But remember you have strength through Christ to say no to any temptation that comes your way. 

Remind yourself you are dead to sin and alive in Christ.

Hold on to the promise that you are a new creation in Him and you don’t have to do the things you feel tempted to do.

When you’ve said no and removed yourself from the situation, you can then move into a different, more useful activity and enjoy satisfaction through Christ. 

I know that’s a lot easier said than done, but it IS possible.

Remember, temptations are a mental battle and you have the power to take control of your thoughts and desires and replace them with truths about WHO YOU ARE IN CHRIST.

This is your ANTHEM. You can do it.

If you experience dealing with temptation on a frequent basis, then maybe it’s because you aren’t spending enough time in God’s Word and in prayer. When you get God’s Word in you, you tend to get sin out of you.

One final thing I want you to remember when it comes to dealing with temptations is that sin is serious. I think our culture has dialed down the seriousness of it a lot. We live in a sinful world, but that doesn’t mean we have to engage in sinful activities, however, please know that when you do slip up and make mistakes there is grace.

Because of Jesus, we have the amazing gift of forgiveness and mercy. No matter the mistakes we’ve made, he loves and wants the best for us.

Q: I’ve seen a lot of people get married after only dating for 6 months or so. What are your thoughts on that?

A: I’m a firm believer in the shorter the dating period the better. And here’s why.

My personal opinion is that if you’ve been in a relationship with someone for over two years and there’s been no proposal or even a real conversation of a plan to get married - then the person you’re with most likely doesn’t want to commit to marriage. They may be okay with dating, but when it comes to the “legal” aspect of marriage, they’re afraid to commit and that should be a red flag. 

A lot of people talk about marriage, but never follow through with their word. If you’ve had a conversation about it and it still hasn’t happened at that point, then you have the right to move on.

(This obviously doesn’t apply to people who start dating their significant other in high school. If you’re in that age group, I highly recommend taking things as slowly as possible. You have plenty of time to decide if you want to spend the rest of your life with that person.)

Another reason I believe in shorter dating time periods/engagements is because the longer you’re together and you AREN’T married, the harder it is to stay away from sexual temptation. If you’re together for a long period of time you will start to get more and more comfortable with being physical with the person you’re with and the temptations will come a lot more frequently.

Like I said in the previous question, avoid the situation and just get married already.

Honestly, there is only one reason I think you should be in a dating relationship longer than a couple of years and that is if you’re not able to support yourselves financially as husband and wife.

My husband and I dated for one year and were engaged for seven months and honestly that was even a little too long for me. After we got engaged, I was ready to get married within two months. 

We didn’t get married that quickly because we still needed to find a place to live and figure out some logistics, but you get what I’m saying.

If you know, you know. Don’t waste time.

Alright friends! That’s all the questions we have. 

Thank you for hanging with me and talking about this subject. I really enjoy getting to do this.

Next week we’ll dig into the next topic of the series which will be….sex.

Oh yeah. It’s gonna be good. 

Catch ya later!